|Image from Google|
My love for movies, series, (you name it) any thing that consists of a protagonist and an antagonist; is grand. So the fact that since the day I was introduced to the British soap opera, Eastenders, I’ve been hooked, is no surprise. So recently, there’s a storyline from this ‘soap’ that has got me thinking………
So there was a lady [I guess I can refer to her as a lady, she was 20 years] that is dead, her name is Lucy Beale [name in Eastenders]. It so happens that her death occurred at a ‘not-so-good’ time, as no parent wishes for their child to die before them, talk more of having a misunderstanding just before the death of your child. Well! That was exactly what happened in Eastenders. Lucy had just fallen out with her father because he had searched her room and found ‘coke’, and also divulged his finding to a ‘friend’ of hers. However, this misunderstanding was a build-up of how Lucy had been feeling for a long time.
Lucy was a clever, beautiful and industrious lady. She was one who wanted to succeed at whatever she set her heart to do, and her zeal was undeniable. However, she needed something she was not getting. Something so many teens and youths, and generally,
everyone needs- approval/compliments/appreciation/assurance. You can choose to give it whatsoever name/term you desire. In my understanding, following the drama, Lucy was starved of approval/appreciation/compliments. And this resulted in a disoriented life even in the midst of her strive to be a better person, while achieving her goals.
|Image from Google|
The truth is there are so many Lucys [representing both male and female] in the world we live in today. All they may require may just be sentences like: ‘great job, well done’, ‘I’m proud of you’, ‘I know you’ll do better next time, don’t give up’……. but they are never forthcoming. I put up a post on self-love sometime ago, today’s post can be said to be a continuation. The truth is, self-love doesn’t generate out of the blue, a ‘conductor’ is needed to nurture or stimulate the self-love. And most times, these ‘conductors’ are parents/families before the friends, colleagues, teachers ‘conductors’ add to that of the primary ‘conductors’.
The part that the primary conductor plays is very vital and cannot be over emphasised. Every human being craves attention, appreciation, and recognition. It’s only right that the foundation is solidly built. It’s no secret that whatever a child is not getting from home, there is a huge possibility that the child will seek for it outside, and most times those that give these recognitions and appreciations do not have the best intentions.
In the case of Lucy, she wasn’t getting the recognition and approval she sought from her father, and it was very easy for her to get carried away when her best friend’s father showed interest in her. This lack of recognition and approval is one of the reasons that some ladies and guys join gangs or get involved in dangerous activities.
|Image from Google|
Oh! need I add that Lucy said something that struck my heart. She told her father that ‘the main reason she was taking ‘coke’ was to block out every thoughtless word he had said to her’. The power of words cannot be undermined, be it by a parent, friend, colleague, acquaintance. It just has a way of sticking.
So what’s my take?
Parents appreciating their children really goes a long way in the life of a child. The words they speak to them, the time they have for them and listening to them [not just hearing]. Parents are the ‘primary conductors’ of self-love.
Friends also play a huge part. It’s quite sad that giving compliments has become a difficult task for people to carry out these days. A ‘you look good’ comment could change the life of a person. I think it is high time the ‘Pull him/her syndrome’ be dropped. It has made no positive effect to lives and will never.
So who is this post for? It’s for me, you and everyone. So let’s do something henceforth, you see someone working hard, appreciate his/her efforts. You see someone who has a nice smile, tell him/her. You like the way someone dresses, tell him/her. Thinking it, is not close to saying it. We need to give importance to the little things; because they are the big things!
What’s your take?
P.S A friend of mine has requested to know how fears and insecurity of oneself and the future leads to unhappiness, and could be the cause of depression and even suicide among youths of today? Please share your opinion
4 thoughts on “Are we missing it??”
Appreciation/Compliments is key especially coming from the Home-front. This can be made much easier by believing that everyone has different strengths and weaknesses. Rather than nag about what a person is not doing, show appreciation to what is being done. Some out there are wishing they could do that which is being done.
I totally agree with you, home-front appreciation is essential. Thank you for commenting. Really appreciate…
Beautiful piece you have here dearie. My take on this piece is that there is probably no soul on earth that can live without getting complimented every once in a while. Age is no barrier when it comes to receiving compliments, or appreciations. Compliments are often remembered for a long time after they are spoken. Its effects are multifold.
■It provides the necessary elevation to one’s identity.
■It encourages the receiver to improve further.
■It inspires them to make an effort.
■It builds self-confidence.
■It heals aching hearts.
Acknowledging them is one of the best things we can do to have a positive impact on the people around us.
Using the words of John C. Maxwell: “Remember, man does not live on bread alone: sometimes he needs a little buttering up.” Children are no different. They also need some buttering up on their efforts – absolutely hungry for compliments and encouragement. The finished bottle of milk by an infant, a simple straight line drawn by a toddler, the first sentence spoken by your child, a colorful treat made by your girl, a consolation prize won by your boy, all of these need to be complimented. Wondering why? The efforts put in for each of these simple acts, needs to be recognized for the child to make an effort to do better in the future.
It is also my take that complements or encouragement should not necessarily be only when a child is succeeding. Mistakes and failures need to be complimented too. When you compliment them for having accepted their mistake, you’re encouraging them to be honest and be trustworthy and thereby helping to build a total child. Encouragement works like magic. When we do not think twice before disapproving a wrong deed of theirs, should we shy away from complimenting them for the right deed? No. We must make an effort to recognize their strengths and help them improve upon their weaknesses. Encouragement gives a boost to their identity. They feel accepted. Acceptance is bliss.
However, in doing this, we should also keep in mind the thin line between compliment and flattery (or praise) as many may call it.
On the other hand, I would also like to encourage those of you that have grown up with negative energy surrounding them like the Lucy in this piece. You need not to stay in the shape you find yourself or find answers to your quest in destructive areas nor build your thoughts/focus on those negative energies. Most often I hear these words from Nutritionist: “You are what you eat” but in this instance, I would like to offer a spin on that taking inference from the Bible -“You are what you think”.
Every action, every decision starts with a thought. It is your thinking – i.e, your mindset and attitude – that drive your behavior. When setbacks and challenges occur in your life, do you get trapped in a cycle of negative thinking, criticizing, blaming, justifying, allowing the situation to consume of overwhelm you? If so, how does this make you feel? What impact does that have on others around you? Is this way of dealing with the situation helpful? Does it move you forward? Usually the response is “No, not at all”
Whatever your approach to the challenges life throws at you, it’s how you think about what happens to you, not the event or circumstances. You are in control over these inevitable setbacks, yes, you do not have control within the circumstances. You may not stop the birds from flying over your head, but you can stop from building nests. You are in control of you and that starts with what’s happening in your head. This is the only place a negative or positive. Remember! Your thoughts create your world that snowballs in your future. The Lucys, please don’t wrong the wrongs, right the rights
This is my take.
Wow! this is a fantastic comment, more enlightening. Thank you so much, My mama.