|Image from Google|
How is your week going? Hope much better than you anticipate(d)?
So it just happened that the post I wanted up for today couldn’t be put up today due to availability. However, I found myself pondering on a topic, I wouldn’t have seen myself putting up today. You ask ‘why’? Well!! I think I’ve just being shying away from it. But this morning, with the way I was feeling, I was certain that shying away period was over.
I’m no love doctor or relationship specialist, but this is one thing I know-being ‘single’ does not kill.
I hear (and have heard) different tales on what age and time where ‘being single’ should not be heard of, in an individual’s life. Okay, I think at this point, I should state my take on what single means. When I looked up what single means, I saw different definitions; varying from: sole, one, lone to unmarried….But I’m more for the distinct definition. Not that the other definitions are wrong, but I imagine that those definitions are suited for different contexts.
So let’s get real……
It is no secret that there are so many talks/seminars/messages that describe singleness, but I am also aware that sometimes, the same proponents for enjoying singleness, still contradict themselves with subsequent actions or follow-up articles/talks/messages. So it gets all confusing.
However, there are certain things we should never get confused about.
A single person is a whole person, irrespective of whether they are in a relationship, not in a relationship or married. With a mindset like this, nobody will be thinking that they are incomplete because they are not in a relationship, or because they are not married. I am an advocate for the 100%-100% coming together to make 1; not the 50%-50% to make 100%.
Being a single person does not mean you are immature. Where I come from [Nigeria], this is a popular notion. “Ah, James you need to grow up oh; marry nah”……I understand the fact that with marriage comes the responsibility of catering for someone else other than yourself, but maturity does not just spring up because you are married. Growing out of childish conduct, is inevitable in ‘most’ lives. Being single isn’t alien to the concept of maturity.
So I remember telling an elderly woman that my mum had given me my nursery, primary and secondary school certificate to keep, that I am capable (mature enough) to take care of them. The next thing she said to me was, ‘you are not mature enough until you are in your husband’s house’. I smiled. I didn’t take offence. Neither did I think much into it. I just accepted that, this is her own way of thinking; and I was fine with that. What I knew was that: I have my own belief/theory and it works for me. Everyone has theirs, but do not let another person’s theory/belief which isn’t ‘healthy’ for you, be what you choose to practice.
Wishing to be married isn’t a taboo either. Inasmuch as I believe that a marriage consists of two single people, wishing to be married should not be seen as a bad thing because ‘you should be single and proud to be one’. Whoop! Whoop!! But if you want to be married it is a good thing as well. The bible states numerous blessings that comes with being married, and there are people who also attest to such. There are also people who have chosen not to get married as well, and personally I feel their choice should be respected because as bitter as it may sound, not everyone is supposed to be married, but everyone is supposed to be single [distinct, whole].
The truth is Hollywood, Nollywood, etc [movies] are not helping with portraying what ‘being single’ should be about. Maybe they are supposed to help but they are not. It’s our responsibility to get the right concept of what being single means really; because whether we choose to agree or not; there are other generations to come. Personally, I wish that they get a healthy concept of being single. And I’m sure there are other people out there with the same goal.
So yeah, Love yourself. Strive to be ‘single’ daily [whether unmarried or married]. Dig into materials/activities that build your mind positively. And if you want to be married- Pray and work by faith [James 2:17].
So what ‘say you’? How do you handle the internal [thoughts] and external [family,friends,colleagues] pressure? Do you have a different opinion? I will love to read your view.
All the images used in the post are from Google.
5 thoughts on “How do you rise above the pressure?”
I used to be in a relationship and wasn't happy at all. I did try to leave but my partner apparently portrayed himself in such manner that I was scared that leaving him would mean not finding anyone better. Then I made up my mind, not to leaving with the aim of finding someone else but to love me for me & strive to be a better person. I can rightfully say that the fears that overwhelmed then were just for nothing because I haven't felt so good since ending that relationship in a LONG time. Not for once have I looked back only to regret my actions. On the contrary, I have been focused on being a better person which has been amazing. Hence for everyone who is struggling with what I used to, this is for you.
WHAT DOES MARRIAGE CONSIST OF:
Primarily, it consist of two (whole) people of opposite sex desiring to be joined. Not that I assume you are opposed to this view except you may clearly state so afterwards, but methinks, it is imperative to qualify your concept of marriage. A single parent can validly seek to be married, even though she/he is not really single. The emphasis therefore weigh more two opposite sex than in their individual singleness, and as you may very well know, in Nigerian Igbo concept of marriage, marriage in really beyond the single opposite sexes wishing to be joined together.
Pondering on the deeper meaning of being single, I find myself at the junction where I begin to ask what is the value of singleness, if its purpose and end as against a means to an end is for self enrichment only.
I find that in the long run, singleness in isolation negates the principles of creation, but by integration and as a profession must seek to add value to be relevant in the scheme of creation.
While I agree that this is an 'attractive' topic any day, the topic tilted towards the academic, which tampered with the 'high mood' of the topic.
Hi Chinonso, Yeah you are right, my view on marriage is consisting of two (whole) people of opposite sex. I do agree with you on the fact that singleness should not end in self enrichment, whether as an end or a means to an end.
However, I may have to state I'm of the opinion that singleness is not supposed to be in isolation and singleness doesn't necessarily have to result in marriage for the scheme of creation to take place, there can be integration of singleness without it resulting in marriage.
Thank you so much for your comment, and hope I didn't misunderstand your view as well.
Thank you so much for sharing. Much appreciated!