‘Awwwww! Saying no won’t be fair’
‘Do you know how they will see me if I say no?’
They will see me as one loser, who has no guts! They won’t talk to me again….. I won’t be recommended for big bucks jobs…… I will be seen as Ms GoodyTwo-Shoes, and you know what that means- I won’t be able to hang around them….If I say no, it will be recorded that I’m a rude person, and I don’t want such tainted record!………
Conversations/scenarios like these are everyday occurrences. The struggle to please people. Interestingly this popular passage has been misunderstood: Love your neighbour as yourself. Okay! I guess that part wasn’t read properly. It says ‘as yourself’ not Love yourself as your neighbour. I know there is a thin line between selfishness and self-love, but doing something at the HUGE expense of yourself to the joy of another, is taking it to another level. [Emphasis on the ‘HUGE’, as there are circumstances where things are done for another at the doer’s expense-friendship, love relationships].
The struggle is real, and from experience I can definitely say that- moments you choose to do the wrong thing to please people definitely result in grave consequences, as well as unnecessary stress.
Let’s get practical:
You happen to have exams/tests fast approaching, and a group of ladies/guys invite you out for a concert. You are very convinced that the concert will take most of the time you need to study for the exam or maybe going for a concert is definitely not your thing. But Yeah, it’s that most respected and popular group that is asking, how can you say no?
You get all chatty and nice with a guy/lady [You being you-Jovial]. But this guy/lady decides ‘Oh! How about you give me your number?’ You may have deciphered from the conversation you’ve had, that after this, it’s a permanent farewell bidding, but you still give the number, then you have to either engage in a forced conversation after, or not pick the call and then tell lies as to the reason why the call was not picked. When a polite ‘No, I’m sorry I can’t give you my number’ would have done an immediate painful but permanent, stress free justice.
I won’t even pretend that pointing a finger makes me innocent. Nah! I’ve had my fair share of saying YES to please all and everything, but trust that they left a bad taste in my mouth.
I do not know how else to ‘sugarcoat’ these words, but the truth is YOU CANNOT PLEASE EVERYONE!!! Not everyone will unknowingly ask you to do something you won’t like to do. Some people will milk your ‘always saying yes’ attitude to their own advantage. Sad but true.
So if you happen to always love to detrimentally please people at your own expense, here’s a few things to ponder on:
- As a christian, you should be asking first and foremost, will this please God? But the thing about asking yourself this first question is that, you don’t want to be asking if it will please God when it is obvious that saying no is the right move. For instance, a lady should not be asking ‘if it will please God?’ If a married man with an immoral reputation (or maybe there is no reputation, it could just be your instinct suspecting a foul game) is asking for your number for no tangible ‘acceptable’ reason. Wrong! Wrong!! is written all over it, why give God extra responsibility by asking for an answer He already provided in you.
- Weigh the resultant effects. Will saying yes to person A result in EXTREME danger and discomfort to you? or to people who will be affected [directly or indirectly] by such request?
- If possible, don’t give an immediate response. Ask to get back to the person asking. A person may have a default ‘yes’ answer under pressure or when the person is present.
Just as the title of this post reads- There is indeed bliss in saying no. You don’t have to stress about a counter measure when you give a detrimental yes, or tell a lie and tell another lie to cover up the previous lie. Being able to say no when necessary will save us a lot of stress. There is integrity in taking a firm stand, as to your values and who you are. You are just one person, you have to discern when saying no is best and only response to give.
And if you are someone who hates to hear no, just pause and think of what you will have or where you will be if God gave a ‘YES’ to all your requests. Same way, a ‘no’ from a person does not make the person, any less nicer than he/she is when they give a ‘yes’ answer.
So what other reasons do you think make people feel compelled to always say YES? Are there other ways to deal with the compulsive ‘Yes’ response? Feel free to share your experience, I am sure I will learn something, as well as my fabulous readers.
Have an amazing day…
P.S: Certain professions are exceptions in the context of today’s post.
For questions and suggestions: firstname.lastname@example.org