Ladies and Gentlemen,
I bring you good tidings from my chamber of rest. Good tidings? Yes! Good tidings as the ‘Let’s Talk’ segment has been dormant for a while, but it’s kicking off with the above topic. What a kick off, right?
If you are reading this post, I am sure you are very familiar with this popular question. Different people ask this question for different reasons. But here’s today’s focus……
We will be talking about when this question is asked in a relationship [friendship inclusive] between a man and a woman.
You see, do not think that I am putting up this post because I have all the answers or appropriate answers to the questions that this post intends to answer [with your help]. No, I don’t have the most suitable [most suitable because not everyone will agree] answers because looking back at how I have handled this question, there are things I would’ve done differently.
Two months ago, I heard of an experience that made me think about the ‘are you a virgin?’ question, and in the course of my thinking, I got to understand that maybe, just maybe the asking of this question is being abused.
I do not see any reason why a lady who has just met a guy and is still getting to know if it’s safe to ‘warm up’ [be friendly] to him, should be asked if she is still a virgin [a day after meeting]. Insinuating that her taking time, means she is a virgin, that if she isn’t a virgin; she will relate differently [Real story]
Just like I told the lady, I am reiterating it here- I do not see how a lady taking her time to know how she will relate with a guy she has just met, shows if she is a virgin or not. I find that theory ridiculous.
Personally, I feel this question is a very sensitive one, and should be asked purposefully. I may be wrong but I think it’s safe to say that most times, the men are the ones asking the women. Like I said, I could be wrong, but I am sure some women do ask but let’s just say men take the plunge mostly.
After listening to the above story, I had the following questions on my mind:
- When should this question be asked?
- When can the curiosity to know the answer to this question, be said to be unecessary?
- Is the asking of this question restricted to intimate relationships? [deliberately excluding other situations when this question can be asked, like during a medical appointment etc]
- Do you feel this question is a sensitive one or is not a big deal?
I will really love to read your thoughts and my friend also. Feel free to share your experiences as you deem fit.
It’s a ‘Let’s Talk’ segment, which means I take the back seat. So take the page, Ladies and Gentlemen…
P.S: It will be great to hear the men’s view as well as the women’s, please share. Thank you.
PT QUOTE OF THE DAY
Be gracious in your speech. The goal is to bring out the best in others in a conversation, not put them down, not cut them out. Colossians 4:6
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9 thoughts on “LET’S TALK: The ‘Are You A Virgin?’ Question!”
I have been asked this question a lot & i’ve had to think why. I believe it is a sensitive question & I don’t think every Tom, dick & Harry that presents himself as a guy is entitled to an answer. I don’t think a relationship, friendship or otherwise should be based on the response from this question, and personally i’d rather not be asked.
As regards when it should be asked, I believe it’s when two individuals are in a ‘serious’ relationship. Basically because they want to know everything as much as they can about each other.
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Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Exclusivity is key!
I will try to answer the questions altogether. The question is very unnecessary, except when hearts are pledged to each other. I do not see what anyone will do with a knowledge of such information. In other words it should be asked when there is high intimacy (you know what I mean). The question is a very sensitive one. lt only ceases to be a little less sensitive when hearts are pledged to each other (with utmost sincerity). In such case the answer shouldn’t make any difference.
Let me include that I haven’t asked any girl such question, but I’ve been asked by about 5 girls. So by my own statistics (I mean personal experience), girls are well into it.
Oh wow! Interesting…thanks for sharing your thoughts. Very enlightening
For me, as much as I am open about certain stuff, motive is important. It’s different when i’m sharing a testimony or something and then, it’s with someone who a relationship might spring out with.
No, no no.
Wisdom demands(yes oh, demands) that such questions come up when you’ve known the person a bit and the person is free to tell you such things.
I know one silly gut asked me that the first day I met, he dey find story.
Pls wisdom is profitable to direct.
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😂😂😂 loool ‘he dey find story’…. Wisdom!!! Thanks for sharing your thoughts, dear!
1.) If you guys are in a serious relationship: It’s ok to ask…it guides against any unexpected, “after-marriage” dramas or sense of distrust.
2.) Curiosity to know this turns to stupidity when you guys have just met and he’s asking. It simply means he’s asking for what he came for so as to quickly see his chance of success – short fling things.
3.) Not just intimate relationships. If you guys are VERY close, true friends, who joke together about random things, its also ok to ask.
4.) Its no biggie, it depends on the different situations (mentioned above) during which it was asked, and its also an individualistic issue. Some see it as a big deal, and some don’t. Personally I don’t see it as a big deal. When asked I’m always like: “I’m not a virgin simple. What else do you want to know?”
Thanks for sharing your opinion.