WIGTW is the abbreviation for When I Got This Wrong
Since I started blogging, I think I have touched on the sex subject, only once. Find the post, here. Most of us [Christians], shy away from this topic. I believe that keeping silent about sex in the church is dangerous, and over flogging it, has its own disadvantages, as other branches or ties of sex are then swept under the carpet. However, I am no expert, but I am no novice either. Not having knowledge or having the wrong understanding leads to destruction. So, I am pro having moderate and accurate knowledge of sex as youths, and it’s better learned from home first and the church, in that order.
Where the church is silent, the world fills the vacuum.
But before we go further into today’s post, I will like to state a few things [mantras]:
- Sex is a good thing. It is a gift from God. The abuse of sex is the bad thing. Abuse takes place when there is no accurate knowledge. [most times]
- Here- Precious Thoughts, the bible is our standard, therefore, we are pro: sex in the confines of marriage. No subtraction and no addition. No negotiation. No compromising.
From the last post on WIGTW, we got to understand that, we are not only taunted by the enemy in ignorance, but also in wrong understanding/interpretation of the Word of God. And I stated that the goal that this segment seeks to reach is to equip us, that we are not ‘light weight’ Christians, practicing biblical principles but having no understanding as to heart of God, for the commands.
Sometime ago, I was privileged to live with a woman who I consider a mentor, not because of her accolades, but because of her charisma. You know how you feel when you interact with someone who has been dining with Christ. Yes! That feeling. So much wisdom and practicality. And on this day, while preparing lunch in the kitchen, she asked me this question:
‘Princess, why are you abstaining from sex until marriage?’
I was so over-confident that I had the right answer. You know how our shoulders just pump up invisibly when we are so sure that we know something. I answered:
‘That’s what God says and I do not want to contract any of the STDs in the place of disobedience’
She smiled. Then she said:
‘Your answer is not wrong, but it is not substantial. You should keep God’s command because you love Him, not because you are scared of the consequences of not obeying His commands’
When she said these words to me, I felt like Saul turned Paul, scales fell off my eyes. Those were simple words, yet deep! I meditated on that conversation, and it has changed my life.
Why are you obeying God’s commands? Are you obeying God because you are scared of what will happen if you don’t obey or are you keeping His commandments because you have gotten to a place of worship where the fruit of your love for God is obedience to Him?
Let’s go to the beginning….
And he said to the woman, “Has God indeed said, ‘You shall not eat of every tree of the garden?” And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat the fruit of the trees of the garden; but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God has said, ‘You shall not eat it, nor shall you touch it, lest you die’.”Then the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”…..Genesis 3 v 1-5 [NKJV]
And we know how it ended, Eve ate of the fruit and gave to Adam. There are so many lessons to discuss from this passage, but I will stay on ‘today’s lane’.
The thing with obeying God out of fear [not in a reverential manner, fear of the consequences of sin] is that the enemy ends up finding a way of belittling the commands of God, that it appears to carry no so much weight compared to the reasons he gives us. In the above scripture, Eve was scared of dying. Her understanding was that; ‘If I eat that fruit God said, I shouldn’t touch, I will die’. I won’t delve into the meaning of the ‘death’ [separation from God], but the devil knew that the thing Eve feared was death, so he showed himself- Mr Cunny. He downplayed the thought of death, by selling the ‘You will be just like God, knowing everything, ranging all the way from good to evil’.
I am using the word, ‘downplayed’ because, it was not like what the devil told Eve was a lie; he presented it in a way that the severity of death was nothing compared to being like God. And believe it, when I say he is still in this business till this day. The devil is not coming in the form of a serpent anymore, he is now the ‘preacher’, the media, the friends, the theories etc.
Why are we abstaining from sex until you are married?
Therefore, I urge you, brethren, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God- this is your spiritual act of worship…. Romans 12 v 1 [NIV]
Just stating the above scripture and leaving it at that, will be defeating the goal of today’s post. A spiritual act of worship cannot take place without love for God. Without love, it becomes a religious performance.
Let’s go deeper…
….Remember that your bodies are created with the same dignity as the Master’s body. You wouldn’t take the Master’s body to a whorehouse, would you? I should hope not. There’s more to sex than mere skin, on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we have become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever- the kind of sex that never “become one”…….Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the works. So let people see God in and through your body. 1 Corinthians 6 v 14-20 [MSG]
I urge you to read the whole chapter. But this commentary from Eugene H. Peterson sheds more light…
The body is God’s chosen way of putting love into action, by satisfying longings for pleasure, showing mercy, and demonstrating what is true and real. We never become more spiritual by becoming less physical. Love that doesn’t find physical expression is practically invisible; mercy that doesn’t find physical expression is merely sentimental; pleasure that doesn’t find physical expression is purely fantasy.
Some people say that the body is bad and sex is dangerous. But Paul didn’t agree. He saw the body as good and sex as good. They’re dangerous and destructive not when they’re used but when they’re misused. Paul didn’t say, “Because sex is so dangerous, avoid everything to do with the body.” Instead, he said, “Your body is a sacred place of the Holy Spirit….So let people see God in and through your body”. We won’t learn how to be more spiritual by becoming less physical. The body, with its appetites, its pleasures, and all its various functions, is what God has chosen to make his love real among us.
Please understand that the commentary and scripture couldn’t have been avoided in this post. I know they are long, but they are very worth it.
So what are we taking away from this post:
- Our act of worship stems from our love for God. If we say we love God, we offer our lives [our bodies] as sacrifices to Him.
- We should not obey God because we are scared of the consequences of disobeying Him. We obey God, because we love Him.
Also, if I may add, the ways in which the enemy is infiltrating and downplaying the act of worship with our bodies, by abstaining from sex until marriage are:
‘You need to know if you are sexually compatible with your partner, therefore, test run’
‘Sex before marriage is not a big deal, what century are you from?’
‘It is okay if you don’t want to have sex before marriage, but there are alternatives for sexual satisfaction’
‘Do it. God is merciful, He will forgive you’
These are just a few examples, but I want us to remember who we belong to. God! And God alone. Abstaining from sex until marriage won’t be easy, hence the reason, it is called a sacrifice. We cannot offer unto God something that won’t cost us anything.
His grace is sufficient for us all.
So why are you abstaining from sex until marriage? Have you heard/know of any ‘lightweight’ reasons that are given?
PT TIP OF THE DAY
If you love me, show it by doing what I’ve told you. John 14 v 15 [MSG]
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Missed the last WIGTW?
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21 thoughts on “WIGTW: Abstaining from Sex Until Marriage. Why?”
Loved this! We obey because we love. John 14:15 If you love Me, you will keep My commandments. I think many christains know that sex is unacceptable outside marriage, the question is the grey lines ..AKA “Making out’ I have strong opinions as regards this… lol. In my present relationship, My partner and I are practicing total abstinence. No kissing included, I am convinced we are consecrating God and honouring him with our bodies. The dilemma is explaining to others why they should follow suit…..what are your thoughts on this?
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Sis! I understand you perfectly. The ‘grey lines’ aka little foxes are one of the things, many Christians dabble with.
But the truth is, choosing not to kiss before marriage is a personal conviction. And Romans 14:22 (preferably the Amplified version) sheds light on personal conviction. The whole passage is a good read. Not everyone has the same level of grace that some people have to totally abstain from kissing before marriage. There’s no allowance/excuse for smooching and touching and the rest- that’s totally unacceptable.
But the thing is, when we decide to consecrate our bodies to God via abstinence, it is supposed to be the whole body.
The truth is you can explain to people telling them, to abstain totally (kissing inclusive) because you believe it’s a ‘set apart’ way you’ve chosen to honour God with your partner. But there are people who your explanation as to why they should follow suit will never be good enough for them (the level of their walk with God).
When you scale through with not kissing until you’re married and you share how that helped in your relationship with God and your partner, with fruits to show; no one will need further explanation from you. [An example of such- Heather Lindsey]
Personally, I’m team ‘no kissing, no touching, no smooching till marriage’ as well, but the truth still remains that just like drinking alcohol won’t send a person to hell, kissing won’t send a person to hell either.
However, I personally believe that there’s a reason why the pastor says: ‘you may kiss the bride’ on the wedding day. It’s significant to me. And everywhere a kiss was used in the bible it was significant (Judas and Jesus, etc).
I don’t know if this helped in anyway. I will like to hear your thoughts too.
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Awesome ! Thank you very much. I love your sentiments. Furthermore, As regards no kissing the main reason my partner emphasises on that also is that most times kissing doesn’t stop at that. Hands move and organs get turned on breeding a level of lust if not careful. It truthfully just opens a can of worms lol. But as you said God’s light is evident and cannot be mistaken for darkness if legit. I pray for a pure union that would encourage others in Christ! Thank you sis! More grace .
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Amen! My sentiments exactly- kissing is a foreplay.
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I think it’s amazing African cosmopolitan that God is calling more and more people to consecrate their selves to Him in this way-no kiSsing and absolutely no intimate brouhaha.
Like Princess said, it’s a personal conviction, you can’t force people to see it if they haven’t grown to that extent in their walk with God.
But I truly believe that God is calling more and more of us into total consecration of our bodies to Him.
I pray you and your partner stands strong in God’s grace to consecrate your bodies to Him in worship.
You can read my post on this via the link below
a peronapersonal comviction,
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Apart from being written against clearly with plain english in the holy book(English version Bible) sex is more of spiritual than physical,so as a God fearing christian one cannot afford to break one of the laws of God almighty ,however is not a total condemnation for christians who must have had sex before marriage if they sincerely seek for God’s mercy; I need to point out that one don’t necessary need to have sex physical one can have sex through thoughts which the bible refers to as lustful thinking; finally sex before marriage for me is a No! No!
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Lustful thoughts fall into the forbidden. Matt 5:28 says ‘if a man looks at a woman in a lustful manner, he has committed adultery already’, so are lustful thoughts equal to fornication. Once sin penetrates into the heart, physical manifestation is inevitable.
And yes! There’s no condemnation for those (in this case- Christians who may have fallen short) in Christ Jesus. As long as there has been confession and repentance.
Thanks for reading. I appreciate your comment.
Wow! I loved Eugene Peterson’s explanation on this. Sex is a big thing and youths have been deceived in many ways on how to view this. Its high time we start talking about it. I believe God invented sex to show how closes knit and bonded he wants to be with the church. Remember Jesus is the Groom and the church is the bride. The act of Sex makes husband and wife one. I never really understood this until I got married. God bless you for this post.
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Amen! God bless you too, Tosin. I love what you said, which is very correct: ‘God invented sex to show how closely knit and bonded He wants to be with the church’.
Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts.
I have heard plenty of the world reasons about sex..even heard one yesterday, one guy like that that came to the office..
“How will you know that he can do it during the marriage then?”
Did Adam come with the pre-knowledge, Shebi he learnt when Eve came? You will just know jare, I am not worried about that.
That said, my giving my body to God is plain love and nothing else.
At first it may have been just cuz of His command to us but as I grew in Christ, I didnbt want anything to come btw our relationship. I didn’t want to commit adultery against Him when I know that it would hurt Him so I abstain and worship Him with my body.
More on worship being a sacrifice to God is included in the book chastity for men, which ofcourse…soon we shall see it 🙂
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As we grow in Him, we become intimate with Him and pleasing Him with everything, becomes our worship to Him; because we love Him. Thanks for your comment, dear. I can’t wait for the launch of your books. Can’t wait!!
This is an amazing post and teaching. i loved the read from the beginning to the end. My favorite part was
“I am using the word, ‘downplayed’ because, it was not like what the devil told Eve was a lie; he presented it in a way that the severity of death was nothing compared to being like God. And believe it, when I say he is still in this business till this day. The devil is not coming in the form of a serpent anymore, he is now the ‘preacher’, the media, the friends, the theories etc.”
At first, i used to keep away from sin because of the consequences but as i kept growing in Christ, i started obeying Him because it would gladden his heart.
I truly want to know God more and reverence Him in all obedience.
I learnt something new in this post and i thank you for taking your time to write it.
About the missions trip: Go well in the peace and grace of God. Amen!
I thank the Holy Spirit for inspiration. I am also thankful for your life that like me, you’ve experienced that growth of obeying God because we love Him; not because we are scared of the consequences of sin…. Amen! Thank you, everything went well with the trip. I can’t wait to share soon.
Hmmmnnnn… This was quite an enlightening read eh!!! Hehehhe I was so engrossed in it that I literally didn’t realise it’s lengthiness… You see ehnnnn… **scratches Relaxed due hair… I am not one to come out and condemn sex… No… Neither am I the guy to uphold it as a great decision… But Bubba… to me it’s a thing of CHOICE.. There’s a way the human mind is wired Bubba… especially that of a growing male… If certain things aren’t done at the Young and Single age… There is more often than not a high tendency that more horrible things will be done even during marriage… Bubba… My stand is If you want to indulge in sex before marriage… First make sure you are well informed of the repercussions.. Spiritually.. Physically and emotionally… to avoid ‘had I known’ stories that touch… and if you are up for it after being informed… then OYO is your case… This was such an enlightening read… I admire the fact that you took your time to detailedly highlight all the points… Biko ya a serious pastorESS someboRRy… **winks
Ooooohhhh… My comments keep going to Spam 😦
Hi Duru John de Beloved, yeah I just noticed that as well, but it’s been un-spammed.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Sex before marriage…
What are the eternal benefits?
Why don’t I do it?
I want to hear God. Who wants to be caught up in this crazy world without the comforting words of the Holy Ghost?
As soon as I met the Holy Ghost, the most important thing became maintaining fellowship/contact with Him.
Have I wondered? Yes. If I commit any sin at all, I will use the condemnation to kill myself I won’t wait for the devil to do it.
So I stay out of the line of fire and put checks in place. You are not superman or superwoman. Put the checks in place so that you intentionally please God
Living set apart, separated into Him does please Him.
You’re preaching to me tonight. ‘You’re not a superwoman/man; put the checks in place’. 👌👌 intentionality in pleasing God is key.
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